Rudder Songs

by Trevor WIlson

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Piano compositions performed solo by Trevor Wilson. Written mostly during a group project in Bodega Bay, CA, in the summer of 2013. Recorded in August of 2013 in NYC.


released September 1, 2013

Thanks to Meredith Monk for the use of her piano. Thanks to Asa Horvitz for creating the opportunity to work on these songs.


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Anawan Brooklyn, New York


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Track Name: Tied To You
Brooklyn, why don't you take off your halter top?
Soft and shallow is I.
Can I see you again?

Caught you, bought you a diamond hat,
Shaped like a glass.
I would never want to see *me* again.

The officer, the operator, the orchestra,
Surround me entirely.

Arrest me for every little bomb I touch,
And set off.

I blame me for everything I felt,
For everything I couldn't hold onto,
For every single smell,
For every single cell that I have entered.
Track Name: It's Broke
Part of me is a child, I will let it go.
Part of me is father faking home.
I want to hold a son, but haven't a one.

I'm the type who likes to hold the head I use,
But I can run a round all day, feeling so confused.
I have no place to go, I'm trapped and alone.

Part of this trail is b-r-o-k-e

I will not say no more, I'd love for us to bore.
I am a menace to you.
Track Name: Not Quite Ready
Amber salty air skewers every man alive, and calls me 'Babe'.
I'm the last in line, I'm the girly sour kind, but I still crave.

I want her hair, I want her everywhere,
I want to understand what it feels to be her man.
Today I wore a bra, boots a mile high,
And I couldn't recognize what I saw in the mirror.

Met her out in back with another handsome lad,
And now I'm 'Babe in the middle'.
If the bob is straight, it ain't never gonna work,
And I'm not built for a man's fight.

I just want to f.....u......c......k.
Track Name: City Burns
City burns in the country in a sifting web of time,
In a soft sea of branches, several lower parts will die;
Leaving a dry side, leaving it open wide.
Leaving a ray on the country. On the country.

She's waiting there on the country, now!
Sitting up there on the country, now!
Now, now, now, now!

Will you find me some turkey?
She is woken up, and starved.
Light her path to the bathroom,
Where we're drying off her bra.
Track Name: Are We OK?
How did I get the chance for us to hammer it out all nice?
I never wanna be un-right. Are we...?
How can I rest at night with the side jurists man chewing man chewing man?
I never really had a plan. Are we?

Are we OK?

Bought universal time, but it kept everything I had.
It left me feeling bland, softer.
You came in a black haircut, where you buzzed the side and left the top
And brought me to my knees and I was born to life again.

Are we OK?
Track Name: Soft Rock
Soft rock, truck in the arid land.
Swallowing pride, I am driving around.
Am I growing soft?
The chassis glides and holds the lumber in the back,

The desert spoils my eyes, shining reds
Rocking me sigh & sigh & sigh & sigh
No lover I have in place
It's all been stored in my mind
Piled and stumbled, fortified

Flower runs on a cactus tongue and holds its bay
And falling back and falling back and falling stay
And falling back and falling back and falling bay
And sailing back and sailing back and sailing bay
Track Name: What's All This Smoke?
What's all this smoke you use to cover up your eyes?
Throw up your arms, and let me spoil demise.
I've seen you smiling at the three legged dog,
He barks like a lion, but he walks like a duck.

I've seen you laugh at the eagerest times.
You try to repel the things that run up your spine,
With that same old frown.

Settled into smoke, and feeling too numb to cry,
Here's one last chance to keep you from passing your time
With that same old frown!
Track Name: Which Is I
Send me to the waterlogged Detroit-
I'm done as a common wayward boy.

In time, we will see what the waiting wanted me to be.
In time, I'll know how to end this sidewalk show.
In the bar, I waited for an hour,
I didn't care his name, until I knew his power.

This town doesn't want me anymore.
Every time, there's another handsome doe.

I have waited by, selling the corner of my eye.
And I haven't enough to pay the very, very man I loathe.

Pound me in the bath with the elements, sapphire
Resting in the batches is sulpher, recip-
The time it denies, I haven't enough to
See the rudder man I was never inside to
Maybe in time, come to backing of an amorous sidewalk day
Possessant of a new, which is I
Track Name: Danny
Danny had his size, his magic and his lies
He's hanging with the big kids now
For nothing's ever right, the TV's on its side
He's hammered in the C.I.O.

Mudding on its ties, the TV has its eyes
On the bedding of the warren couldn't woke
The jurists have their prize,
It's Danny strung up high
On the ratchet of the spoiled man so slow

The air is another tale of mine;
It rubs its barrel of ale.
The square is an old time barracks hole,
Says 'All in all is eye, and all in all is eye,
And Danny is the victor's fowl!'

Sat around, the wretched jurists photo by.
Track Name: Staghead
The Staghead rides its drunken horse
It burnishes my sight
It says the way we have to go
It sets us on our flight

April is the cruelest month,
Breeding lilacs out of the dead land
Mixing memory and desire
Stirring dull roots with spring rain

Empty head, now the blood has left your neck
Shower man, heavy droplets rush our frame
Dusty mare, trotting sideways, half aware
Will you drop, will you stop this staghead's stare?

My hardness is a backhoe
That has no space to dry
It wets its lips and rips the hold
It tosses up our ground

My rudder is a broken straw
I have no bed to land on
I don't know where the river ends
I've forgotten how to stand

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